lorelei's house of pleasure

Oven-Free till October

2011-07-02T13:12:00.004-07:00

It all started innocently enough, with the idea that grilled pizza would entertain our nieces on their most recent overnight visit. It was such a success we started to think what else we might cook on the grill. We had some grilled vegetables left over from the pizza, a pie crust in the freezer... Why not?It turns out that there is a dearth of recipes for grilled quiche on the Internet. I did

Bank of America Update

2011-02-06T15:23:00.004-07:00

The saga continues...(For an account more detailed than you may want of my three-month-long attempts to pay my Bank of America credit cards online, see the previous post.)A friend advised that I direct a tweet to BofA_Help, which, with some technical assistance, I must confess, I managed to do. A day or two and a few tweets back and forth later, I received a phone call from a customer service rep

Dear Bank of America,

2011-01-23T09:03:00.001-07:00

Thank you for carefully training your customer service representatives to tell me how much you appreciate my business at the end of every call. Otherwise, I would never know. In spite of your campaigns promoting paperless transactions and easy online access, you have completely denied online access to a portion of your profit base for the last three months. This does not inspire confidence as a

On Writing Poetry

2010-06-25T03:59:00.001-07:00

Hi, my name is Amy, and I write love poems. And I’m about to stop apologizing for it. I suffer from a malady born of the late 20th-century notion that one’s avocation can become one’s vocation, having made the gross error of earning a higher degree for something I enjoyed. Don’t get me wrong: I loved every minute of it, had some very fine teachers,

Of Ukuleles and Airstreams: Ramblings

2009-11-08T07:18:00.004-07:00

I don't think of my family as odd. But every now and then I make mention of some detail at work and get a look like they think I am making it up. Yes, I really do have a first cousin (once removed) who leads a senior citizen ukulele band. I had the pleasure of seeing the YesterUkes recently at an Airstream rally near Table Rock.Their ages span several decades, and their repertoire a century or

A Brief History of a Long Love Affair

2009-03-28T05:42:00.005-07:00

Though many of you have read this already, I realized that it was not posted in its entirety here, with the previous link going nowhere thanks to the demise of TIBU.Chapter 1In which the fifteen-year-old Hero and Heroine exchange glancing blows—the Hero’s, a pointed quip from Oscar Wilde followed by the insinuation that Heroine would languish virginal forever; the Heroine’s, a sharp kick to the

The economy of the list

2009-02-08T18:07:00.002-07:00

Today:economics objectiveslocal sausagewon-ton wrapperscabbage soupbillslaundrylaundryseam ripperlaundryfingernail clippings

So long, and thanks for all the fish

2009-02-03T04:32:00.002-07:00

This was my final post on Thisisby.us, a writing site that captured my attention (to say the least) for some time. As of 12:01 a.m. February 1st, TIBU ceased to exist, and I got this in just under the wire. (Actually, I unintentionally saved it as a draft first time around and didn't realize it for a while.) There's nothing particularly remarkable about it, as farewells go, but since I've been

GOD1ST?

2009-01-05T04:59:00.001-07:00

One would think the creativity to cram one’s religious beliefs into the allotted space on a license plate would come with a sense of irony. Not so, evidently. The bearer of a “GOD1ST” tag barreled past me yesterday so fast I could barely read it, weaving hell for leather among three lanes, alternately tailgating and cutting off other motorists, as if, indeed, God were at the wheel and taking the

What one citizen of Wasilla, Alaska, says about Palin

2008-09-08T15:16:00.003-07:00

This originally was an e-mail circulated by Anne Kilkenny. It has since been reproduced numerous places on the Internet, but I sought a source that had published it with her permission.

What Is It This Time?

2008-07-23T16:51:00.002-07:00

Every time I hear the words South Carolina in a national venue, I cringe. It's not that I don't love my home state, and right now I am basking in the humidity, awaiting afternoon showers that could come more often, eager to see whether my largest tomato plant will actually manage to peak the roof line.But we're the prodigal child of the nation, not quite welcomed back into the fold nearly a

Well, I did call it the house of pleasure

2008-03-19T16:46:00.003-07:00

Or, yeah, now I know what brought you hereInspired by the A Squared blog, of which I am a patron (though not often enough), I installed a nifty little doohickey here (I'm sure there's a real word for it, just as sure as I'm sure I'm using too many parentheses) that tells me where my traffic is linking from.Now I'm not so sure I wanted to know. (And if you have innocent eyes, you won't click on

Sprucing up around here

2008-02-16T10:11:00.002-07:00

I've been playing around with the organization here, and I'm working to add new links, particularly links with tools for writers. I am looking to do the same with my blog specifically for writing, but a girl has to have a job.I'm interested to hear what you think (if only to know who's actually out there, if anyone), and I especially welcome recommendations for links.I am also contemplating a

Lorelei's Redneck Smoking Porch

2008-02-01T13:26:00.000-07:00

Or, I now realize what I really should have titled my blogEvidently the South took hold of them quicker than they’d expected. The backyard bonfires while the weather still held, they were the first sign. They were easy to shrug off, though: The previous tenants had left the yard in a terrible state, and something had to be done with all that dead wood.Firm in their resolve not to smoke indoors,

Everyone should be loved like this

2008-01-23T18:42:00.000-07:00

I am a very lucky woman.Read why

A Brief History of a Long Love Affair

2007-12-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

Some excerpts from the love story of my lifeChapter 1In which the fifteen-year-old Hero and Heroine exchange glancing blows—the Hero’s, a pointed quip from Oscar Wilde followed by the insinuation that Heroine would languish virginal forever; the Heroine’s, a sharp kick to the shin with a very pointed shoe.***Chapter 5In which Hero and Heroine go away to college, Hero to Tennessee, Heroine to

I'm all about instant gratification

2007-12-08T07:20:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know that's no surprise to any of you. But here's what's brought this to mind:It's that time of year again. Time to make the Christmas ornaments. For several years now, I've made ornaments from used light bulbs as presents for family members. It's not because I'm cheap; it's because I'm poor. Besides, I'm recycling.For years I've also planned to write an article on how to make these

My smear campaign against Chase

2007-08-13T12:39:00.000-07:00

Chase, like most banks, has encouraged customers to receive paperless statements because it saves them money. It saves me from the risk of having my mail stolen and my account number used—again. But I confess, since it’s not an account I use, I rarely open the actual statement. Why should I? All the information I need is conveniently provided in my online account summary: balance, minimum due,

The marketplace of ideas

2007-07-27T13:33:00.000-07:00

...or is poetry dead?I think becoming involved in online writing communities has reminded me why I write. It's about communication and dialogue. I like becoming engaged in conversation with people who can articulate their ideas intelligently.Perhaps that's part of why I largely abandoned poetry after graduate school. When you're pursuing a craft where most of your feedback consists of rejection

A New Addiction

2007-07-15T14:38:00.000-07:00

The boyfriend has gotten me hooked. I confess. He found me techno-crack.I've been doing more writing lately and publishing online, mostly on a site called Associated Content. Most of the articles there are very consumer-oriented, a lot of how-to articles and product reviews. I've only spent a little bit of time looking at the other work on the site, mostly as research.This week he showed me

The Big Move

2007-07-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

After over five years of running an academic department in Arizona, and eight years of living in the desert, I'm returning to the land of trees, foothills, and rivers. In a little over a month we'll be making the trek back to South Carolina, where I'll be teaching English. Just teaching English. Not being held responsible for every oversight, every midterm or attendance not posted, every

An Apple a day

2007-06-19T18:37:00.000-07:00

So far in my investment history I've made at least one good decision. Sure, I've had stocks that have made gains, and I did all right with my company's discount stock purchase plan, but since I bought Apple stock it's increased around 785%. I bought 13 shares at a little over $26, and I now have 26 shares that closed over $124. And the iPhone, which looks pretty damn cool, hasn't even come out

So long, Silver Bullet

2007-06-13T18:48:00.000-07:00

I sold my Airstream. Even in making the statement, the pronoun has become obviously wrong. It has ceased to be mine.It's actually been a few weeks since the neighbors' complaints finally got as high as the mayor's office, and we were faced with the reality that we'd have to take whatever we could get for it just to get it off the street.This wouldn't have been nearly as frustrating if I hadn't

To Blog or Not to Blog

2007-05-25T12:37:00.000-07:00

I've begun to feel silly about maintaining a blog when I only post every few months. The volume of verbiage some bloggers produce leaves me feeling really inadequate. If I don't post often enough to make it worth the click of a reader's mouse, what do I profit by holding on to my little corner of cyberspace? While it's nice to have your own soapbox, if you never take it out of the closet and dust

Juvenalia

2006-09-20T09:20:00.001-07:00

Or, how I could have been a country music song writerCharlie and Ruby June’s Champale PartyCharlie and Ruby Junehad been to the hogwaller in Walhallerand since it was early yet,they decided to have a little celebration.Charlie, inspired by the pigs,wanted to roll around in the mud some,but Ruby June objected‘cause she had a new dress.They ended up parked in the bushesbehind Custer’s Last Stand

Wicked stuff

2006-09-18T13:40:00.000-07:00

Even though I had nothing to do with furthering this particular skill, I'm still proud to say that this is the work of a former student. Only three years out of Collins, she's able to choose her clients, name her price, and work no more than a few hours a week. Not that I think she isn't constantly doing what she loves. You don't get this good if you don't love it. But don't take my word for it:

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

2006-08-24T10:05:00.000-07:00

In case any of you were doubtful, I thought I'd provide evidence that the Airstream actually classes the neighborhood up a bit.But strangely enough, whenever the neighbor's son's truck is parked there, we don't get any visits from the parking fascists.

More Airstream Pictures

2006-08-18T16:17:00.000-07:00

It seems that my Airstream just doesn't want to be sold. I was foiled in my most recent attempts to post photos to an online ad, so the only solution I could think of was linking to here. (Don't pay any attention to that. It's really just a cheap excuse to put more pictures of the trailer on the site. If I ever do succeed in selling it, I really will miss the old girl...)See, check out her great

It's a free country... Isn't it?

2006-08-11T13:08:00.000-07:00

I grew up in a place where private property is still private, at least for a few more years. A place where you could put a car up on blocks and let the grass grow up around it if you wanted. A place where you didn't get a ticket if you refused to replace the mailbox that got bashed with a baseball bat every weekend. Now, your neighbors might anonymously leave a new mailbox on your doorstep and

Unfurl that double standard

2006-08-03T11:39:00.000-07:00

Mel Gibson has vehemently denied his anti-Semitism and specifically apologized for any remarks he made that would have offended Jews.The early reports were that Gibson made both anti-Semitic and sexist remarks, but the media flurry has focused almost entirely on anti-Semitism. Perhaps this is partly because of his now-stalled project on the Holocaust, but I think it's also another case of our

A pox on you all

2006-07-24T10:46:00.000-07:00

Since I couldn't get in to Blogspot for some reason this morning, I posted my rant for the day on silent schwa.

On the rag

2006-07-17T13:46:00.000-07:00

I really wanted to be mad at Ed Carpenter for his comments about Danica Patrick. Really I did.Then I read the whole article, and I realized it's the producer who reduced Carpenter's comments to a sound byte I should be targeting.Taken in context, Carpenter's suggestion that Patrick might be a more aggressive driver at the "right time of the month" sounds less like a misogynistic slur and more

Pussy

2006-06-22T14:56:00.000-07:00

This morning, the sports report on my favorite radio show featured the story of Ozzie Guillen, who called Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti a fag. One of the DJs supported Guillen's defense that the word did not have the same connotations in his country, that it was a reference to a person's courage, not his sexuality. The DJ went on to say that Guillen should have used "the P-word"

My quarterly post

2006-06-22T11:24:00.000-07:00

Pluto's LotSure, he'd been told about long-distancerelationships, how they never work, but stillhe'd not realized how quiet the housewould seem. And she was always leavingthings behind, as if on purpose—a stockingredolent with that scent, which he never couldpronounce; worse still, the Victoria's Secretcatalogue she'd forgotten to forward.His friends would note her absenceat parties; he'd leave

First Words

2006-04-04T22:50:00.000-07:00

Her mouth the o at the center of wow,Georgia leans with her hands on her knees.With one finger pointing to where she will go,the others grip air so you’ll follow and see.All that passes from view is gone,leaving her chanting, more airplane, more tree.Ga-ga, she says, when she points in the mirror—All gone, and then more, more Daddy, more me.This is the way to meet the world:arms thrown wide,

Creepy little story

2006-02-18T21:41:00.000-07:00

AwakeSleepy-eyed, she sat up and mumbled, “I dreamed you killed someone and stuffed them in the closet.”He lit another cigarette. “Amazing what some smack can do to ease your mind.”She looked from the tight ring of bruises on her breast to the white sunshine out the high window. He was tapping the syringe.“Somebody warned me,” he said, “how disposing of a body can ruin your whole routine. Damn

Finally, a poem...

2006-02-03T13:09:00.000-07:00

DEAR FORUM: Funny what some men sacrifice out of sheer jealousy. Take my boyfriend. It’s hard to find a man who will screw you so thoroughly night after night. We’d a been fine if the textile mill hadn’t closed. Though I didn’t want to leave Hal, I thought my prospects would be better in the city. I didn’t know how right I was! I found myself at the Uptown Lounge, doing six shows a night.

what's in a name?

2006-01-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog, over a year-and-a-half ago, which is eons in Internet time, I was really just noodling around. I took the name "klotho" from the Three Fates, with Klotho being the spinner of the thread of life. Of course, that was before I read a terrible Stephen King book that features alien-like Fates who scurry around suspiciously in the vicinity of unexplained deaths. Don't even

spinning my wheels

2006-01-24T09:14:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about what is accomplished by the huge volume of language hurled onto the face of the Internet, and it strikes me that most of it is completely pointless. Or at least pointless for anyone except the poster. It reminds me of what has to be my favorite opening line of literary criticism ever. (Yes, I know what a geek I am if I have a favorite line of literary criticism. You

spinning

2004-09-08T08:48:00.000-07:00

There is something to be said for starting a thread without knowing where it will go.